


Moments when we got along (and some when we didn't)

by Lieju



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Interspecies Romance, M/M, an old fic, fixed some grammar mostly, i got more unpublished chapters tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-23 16:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19705012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lieju/pseuds/Lieju
Summary: Every romantic relationship has its issues. Even when the other party is an evil scientist and the other his semi-aquatic egg-laying nemesis. A collection of loosely-connected Perryshmirtz oneshots, more or less the sequel to 'When the Platypus met the Evil Scientist'.An old fic





	1. Busted

”Good evening, Agent P.”

Said monotreme saluted his superior on the screen, eager to get going. He had an appointment to keep, after all.

“I know this was supposed to be your day off, but it can’t be helped. It’s Doofenshmirtz, he is- Carl!”

“What!?”

“Where’s the graphic? You know, all the pictures of silly-looking foreign people you got from Wikipedia?”

“Sorry, Sir,” the intern squeaked.

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like that?” The Major demanded to know.

“No-no reason?”

“You’re looking pretty red.” Monogram remarked. “Are you coming down with a fever? Or have you eaten tomatoes again?”

The platypus chattered to get their attention.

Major Monogram turned to him. “I guess you just have to do without the informational presentation on Eastern European folk music, Agent P. We have reports that Doofenshmirtz has bought two tickets to the ‘Bi-Annual Drusselsteinian throat-singing festival’. I guess we should generally anticipate that anything Drusselstein-related will in some way attract his evil-attention, huh? In any case, the problem is they have a strict dress code, and I’m not sure if you can infiltrate-“

“Krkrkrkt.”

“Huh, somehow I completely failed to notice you were already wearing lederhosen and floral patterned clogs. I guess you’re good to go, then.”

“That’s what I call professional, Carl,” the major remarked after the agent had departed.

“Sure, Sir.”

* * *

“Ah, _there_ you are, Perry.”

The platypus tipped his hat to the evil scientist.

“You’re a bit late, though. Let’s go.”

The platypus hopped in the scientist’s car, almost feeling like something was off when he wasn’t trapped. Nevertheless, he made sure to fasten his seat-belt. The doctor, however, didn’t, and Perry wasn’t sure if he should correct this evil behavior or not.

Not being certain. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

Ever since he had started dating his nemesis he had had to get used to not being certain of what to do. Not knowing what places were acceptable for dates, when it was appropriate to show affection, to what extent their relationship could interfere with their work, who should pay for their dates…

But perhaps the most surprising thing was that the uncertainly wasn’t all that bad.

“Are you looking forward to this, Perry? I am! Back in Gimmelshtump, I never got to go see this show. Even if I _eventually_ figured out how to unlock the cupboard-door from the inside and saved enough for the ticket, they would have never let me in dressed as I was, because you see it's traditional in Drusselstein to be wearing clogs for formal occasions such as this, and of course because of that one harsh _winter_ all my shoes had to be burnt for warmth- Sorry, didn’t mean to turn this into _work._ ”

The platypus shrugged to show he didn’t mind listening to a backstory, as long as it didn’t lead to evil. After all, this was supposed to be a date.

* * *

“That was really not all that _great_ , was it?”

Perry shook his head. He usually liked all kinds of music (although he was slightly partial to Broadway musicals) but that had hardly qualified as music.

Dr. D agreed.

“I mean, it was just kinda _weird-_ sounding. Less like _music_ and more like hearing a moose being beaten with didgeridoos in an aluminum bath-tub. Not that I _know_ what that sounds like. But on the positive side, I now know I wasn’t missing much. Except for the quality-time with my family, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary.”

The car stopped. Perry hadn’t really been paying attention to his surroundings, instead being concentrated on the doctor, and hadn’t noticed they had already reached the D.E.I. building.

“So… Perry the Pla- Perry the- Perry. Would you like to come _inside?_ Just, you know, for tea or coffee?”

The platypus shook his head and pointed at the clock, indicating it was late.

“Okay. No _pressure._ I had fun. Not because of the concert, more like _despite_ it, but still. Fun. Fun was had.”

Perry nodded, again uncertain of how to proceed.

Supposing it was his turn to initiate something after refusing his date’s offer for coffee, Perry climbed over to the driver’s side, settled on the humans lap and kissed him.

There was still uncertainly on both sides, but Perry estimated his technique had improved considerably, and he had made sure to brush his teeth before the date.

And in general it was easier when both parties were participating.

Based on his observations on human couples two seconds was an acceptable length for a good-bye kiss considering the time of the day and that they were in a public place, but as the human seemed unwilling to break the kiss Perry was more than happy to let it continue, and only end it when the doctor stopped to gasp for air.

Taking this as a sign the date was over the platypus opened the car door and stepped out, heading towards his vehicle.

He made a mental note on how his increased attention to dental hygiene had paid off.

* * *

“A-agent P! Hi!”

The agent saluted the intern on the screen.

Carl stopped, looking uncomfortable.

Silence.

Perry let it go on, knowing it was the best way to get the human to find the words and to open up about whatever it was he had wanted to talk to Perry about.

He was right.

“First of all, I’d like to say I didn’t mean to spy on you. Except for the part where I spied on you, obviously. But I was trying to spy on you and Doctor Doofenshmirtz for _decent_ reasons. To stop evil, surveillance, you know about that, right?”

Perry nodded. He had known that Heinz was under O.W.C.A surveillance, and that while he had made the decision not to engage in certain activities during the work-hours, it had been just a matter of time before the organization found out.

But Perry hadn’t mentioned his new relationship with his nemesis to his superiors for one very simple reason; it was none of their business.

Carl seemed to disagree, however;

“Do you think it’s a good idea? I mean, I get how the whole ‘evil’-thing might be- There was this one boy in my glass in high school who asked me to help him cheat in his Social Studies-exam, and while I declined, I kinda wanted to, but I have to say he was WAY cuter than Doof…”

The agent decided that wasn’t worth commenting on.

“What I mean is, I guess it’s not against the rules? So I guess I don’t have to tell Major Monogram? That would be fine?”

Perry nodded.

“Also, maybe you could tell me when you’re up to, up to things.” The intern blushed.

“Not that I WANT to know!” he hurried to add. “Just so I know what parts of the surveillance footage to skip! “

The platypus nodded.

“And just- Be careful, ok?”


	2. Doofapus

“Do you ever get tired of lugging this big tail around?” The currently platypus Doctor Doofenshmirtz asked. “I mean, sure, it's great for fighting, but it's weird for sitting and stuff. “

Perry shrugged. He hadn’t really thought of it. Really, the bigger problem usually was that most chairs tended to be designed for fully-grown humans, and so were impractically large for platypuses. But since Doofenshmirtz had gone through the trouble of getting a platypus-sized table and chairs for them, Perry was quite comfortable.

Or rather, his discomfort had nothing to do with the furniture.

The other platypus continued: “I just figure I'd ask you because you know, you would know. Uh, sugar or agave syrup?”

Perry pointed at the agave syrup, doing his best to concentrate on his tea.

But Doofenshmirtz was having none of that. “So, uh, what do you think?”

The evil-doctor –turned-platypus scoffed at Perry’s expression. “You know what I mean. My change in _species_. What do you think?”

Perry wasn’t sure. So he shrugged.

“What? A _shrug_? That’s all I get? “

Perry tried to determine if the doctor was being annoyed or offended. He had occasionally been offended when he felt Perry hadn’t appreciated his scheme. And the agent had to admit, he probably hadn’t always properly acknowledged the effort the scientist put into his work. After all, all Perry had to do was show up and thwart.

But, of course, even if he could value the quality of the scientist’s work or at least his imagination and the effort he put into it, Perry felt no quilt when destroying Evil inators.

But when he was uncertain of how evil the scheme was, it wasn’t as easy. Although he still usually foiled them, if the doctor labeled them as ‘schemes’, so not to disappoint the scientist or his boss.

“I just thought you’d like it, that’s all,” Heinz mumbled into his tea.

This confused Perry. And he wasn’t all that certain if they were ‘on the clock’ at the moment, or if this break from the fight counted as ‘off-duty’. Although, now that he thought of it, it wasn’t like Heinz was up to anything actually Evil this time. The agent supposed it was a big part of the reason he was feeling this perplexed.

Although devising a plan to defeat your nemesis _did_ count as Evil.

“Sure, I got it, you don’t swing that way. Or _this_ way. Whatever. It’s not like I care.”

Perry hadn’t spared any thought what-so-ever for where his swinging was inclined to be directed to. Because why would he? He knew it included at least one middle-aged evil human, and knowing that was more than enough.

“That’s a relief. To be honest, I kinda prefer being human, just, you know, it’s what I’ve gotten used to during the 46 years of my life, I was an ocelot for a year, remember? Not to mention it’s really _difficult_ to drink tea with this beak. Just look at my fur, like _half_ of my tea was spilled on- Actually, I don't know if this is fur or really tiny _feathers_. I can't tell. It's so warm, but it _breathes_.”

“…”

“Well, back at it, I guess.”

To Perry’s relief, the fight continued. And when it did, and he was more certain of himself, he could start to appreciate the gesture.

Not many agents had nemeses who’d go through a change in species just to defeat them, after all.


End file.
